Week 72 - Everything new is a well-forgotten old 🧓

Hey my friend, what if the best way to communicate with people now is actually something humans figured out thousands of years ago? 😏

Today, let's talk about why we keep overcomplicating human relationships, why genuine persistence can beat the "perfect" message, and what my angry Chihuahua unexpectedly taught me about dealing with difficult people 🤓

Try This Yourself

I’m back from holidays, and here is how LinkedIn met me. But it’s fine; I’m slowly dealing with it 😅

While on holidays, I visited the Roman Villa that was built around the 2nd century AD, and I was very surprised to learn that over 2000 years ago they already had heated floors 😲

It’s called a hypocaust, and it is a system of central heating in a building that produces and circulates hot air below the floor of a room (as I’ve said - heated floors 😏).

And it reminded me that while our tools keep changing, many of our basic human needs don't. We still want to feel safe. Heard. Respected. Interesting. Important. Connected.

The technology around the conversation changes. But on the human side, we are the same creatures we’ve been a hundred or a thousand years ago 🤷‍♂️

Which means that there were always ads and sales, and there were always empathy and listening. And all the traits people find likeable nowadays, like curiosity, charisma, energy, passion, you name it, are still the same.

Still, people are continuously trying to invent the wheel, and instead of being their honest human selves, they try to cover themselves with some glossy shiny paper, fake it till they make it, and benefit at the expense of others…

Well, it doesn’t work.

I mean it may work for some short period of time, but it definitely won’t work long-term.

That's exactly what I wrote about in Week 68 - the Authenticity Principle. The more we try to become the person we think others expect, the less of the actual human they get to meet.

This week I had a call with someone we’ve connected with in May, and to whom I sent 6 messages before finally agreeing to a call, and they told me:

“You know, I’ve been super busy the last few months, but I liked your persistence and genuine messages so much that I thought we needed to talk no matter what. I don’t know what might happen and how we can collaborate, but I just want to have such a person like you in my network, and we’ll see what happens next.”

Did I write something unreal? Did I brag with huge numbers? Did I try to sell?

Not really!

The first message was this:

“Hi Name, I’m helping companies in Poland get faster access to external experts to get the job done and make revenue faster, and thought it might be relevant to you, so let’s connect 🤓”

Then I asked a discovery question:

“Name, thank you so much for accepting my request! 🤩 quick question: if you could instantly add the right expertise to your (or your clients’) team when needed, would that be useful for you? 😉”

Then, this person kinda said “no” to me 2 times because they said that they handle such stuff with internal teams (and I told them I’m not trying to replace, but help them), and not hire directly but only manage vendors (and I asked if they know someone I should reach out to).

And after that, 2 reminders:

“just a little reminder 👋😊”

“and one more reminder 😁 just name someone, and I'll do the rest :)”

So finally, we got a call, and I foresee a bright path of future collaborations already 🤩

And funny enough, this is exactly what I wrote about in Week 71: sometimes the answer isn't "no." Sometimes the person is busy, the timing is wrong, or your message hasn't hit the right spot yet.

In this case, six messages didn't annoy the person. They became one of the reasons they wanted to meet me.

Again, no bragging, no sales, no lies… all it took was genuine curiosity and persistence.

So the next time you want to ask ChatGPT to give you the best suitable follow-up example to ensure the person will be interested and answer, just stop for a second, think about what you would yourself say in a 1-to-1 live conversation, listen to yourself, type this right away and click “send” without any corrections!

Trust yourself a little more because you probably don't need another "perfect outreach template." Sometimes you just need to sound like a human 😉

tl;dr Technology changes fast. Humans don't change nearly as fast. So stop searching for the perfect message and communicate like an actual human: be curious, genuine, persistent, and interested in the person on the other side 😉

Expand Your Mindset

I have 2 small dogs: a Pomeranian and a Chihuahua, and they are kinda aggressive, which actually looks very fun, but they don’t know that 😅

So every time we pass near any dog, especially those bigger than them, like 5-6 times, they try to attack them; not by actually biting, but more by trying to run to them (I usually keep them on leash) and barking 🤣

Which is, again, fun to see, but as people are different people, dogs are also different, and some don’t care about these tiny creatures, but others become aggressive, and that’s not fun at all, especially if they are unleashed.

People usually smile and call my dogs brave, but I know they’re cowards, and they are aggressive only because they’re afraid of those dogs.

And I think we humans do this much more often than we'd like to admit. Sometimes aggression isn't confidence. Sometimes it's fear wearing armour.

But recently we met one Border Collie that was so happy to see my Chihuahua (I always walk them separately not to create too much mess 😅), so kind, nice, and friendly. It was lying in front of my dog, waving its tail, and telling in any possible way “I came with peace! I want to be your friend! Let’s be friends! Let’s play! Let’s have fun!”

So, my aggressive Chihuahua was disappointed. He didn’t know what to do, like how it’s even possible that this dog is not barking and doing all this friendly stuff. And finally, he also started waving his tail, and they started playing together 🤗

And it reminded me of human relationships: if we see someone aggressive or criticising, we usually answer the same way, and that’s how all the conflicts start and develop.

But what if we were so friendly that other people wouldn’t even understand how it’s possible and how not to answer in the same way? 🤓

It actually reminded me of Week 48 - Just Smile and Wave. Sometimes the easiest way to change the emotional direction of an interaction is simply refusing to return the energy you're given.

Well, I know it’s hard. It’s so much easier to call someone an asshole instead of simply smiling and saying something nice and/or fun.

Or become defensive when someone criticises us instead of getting curious, like:

• "Why do they feel this way?"

• "Is there something useful hidden in what they're saying?"

• "Do I actually need to react at all?"

So here's something I'm learning myself, and you can try, too:

Next time someone gives you aggressive energy, don't immediately mirror it.

Pause. Lower your voice. Smile if appropriate. Ask one curious question instead of defending yourself. And see whether the other person's energy changes too.

As Ted Lasso said: “Be a goldfish,” I’d say, “Be a Border Collie” 😉

tl;dr You don't have to return the energy someone gives you. Aggression can create aggression, but friendliness can be contagious too. When possible, don't mirror the Chihuahua. Be the Border Collie 😉

Now I'm curious 🤓

When was the last time you stopped yourself from giving someone the same negative energy they gave you, and changed the conversation instead? Or maybe someone did exactly that to you?

Hit reply and tell me what happened. I read every message, and your stories often make me rethink and improve my own Friendworking principles 😉

💡 What influenced me this week 💡

Thoughts of the week:

• “The goal isn't to be right, but to slowly, consistently get closer to the truth.” - Sahil Bloom’s newsletter

• “The fastest way to kill something beautiful is to compare it to something else.” -Sahil Bloom’s newsletter

• “Once you can express yourself, you can tell the world what you want from it.” -

  Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, The Economist’s daily quotes

• “Place yourself in a bigger pond, even if it feels uncomfortable. Especially when it feels uncomfortable.” - Sahil Bloom’s newsletter

• “A person who has not done one half his day's work by ten ơ'clock, runs a chance of leaving the other half undone.” - Emily Brontë, The Economist’s daily quotes

• “Nothing is so permanent as a temporary government program.” - Milton Friedman, The Economist’s daily quotes

• “The misery of being exploited by capitalists is nothing compared to the misery of not being exploited at all.” - Joan Robinson, The Economist’s daily quotes

• “Competitors already earning revenue are proof that customers will pay.” - The Indie Hackers newsletter

• “There are people who make things happen, people who watch things happen and people who wonder what happened.” - Jim Lovell, The Economist’s daily quotes

• “Make your work and your passion the same thing, and don’t forget about the money part.” - Ray Dalio at DOAC podcast

Song of the week:

Book and quotes of the week:

The Hyper-Personalized World: The end of shared reality by Nuri Demirci López

“Filtering is becoming one of the most powerful forces shaping modern civilization. Because filters determine what enters your mind. And what enters your mind shapes your perception of reality.

A generated reality does not need to deceive you completely. It only needs to become more emotionally and cognitively satisfying than unstructured reality.

The more perfectly reality adapts to you—the harder it becomes to know where you end and the system begins.”

Tools that I use with referrals:

• Descript - for anything around podcasting and video editing

• Beehiiv - for a newsletter (that’s what you receive 😅)

• Text Blaze - to access message templates with shortcuts (like “/ty”)

• Exali - promo “FROMYURII” - indemnity insurance for independent experts in Europe

• Manus - for building complex systems and projects

Daily actions:

• tell 1 person what I’m thankful to them for

• read a self-development book/listen to a professional podcast for 15 minutes

• make a valuable post/comment on LinkedIn

• tag 10 people in my connections database

• connect with 30 interesting people on LinkedIn

Weekly actions:

• connect 2 people who I believe need to be connected

• invite 30 people to follow the Community ROI podcast.

If you have any thoughts, ideas, or questions, please 👇

And if you’d like to have more 👋 Friendworking in your life 👇

See you next week! 👋