Week 68 - Why a raw you is better than a polished you 😜

Hey my friend, have you ever reread something you wrote and thought: "No way that's actually me..."? 😅

Today, let's talk about why trying to sound more professional often makes us sound less human, why people remember authenticity long after they've forgotten perfect wording, and how one small change completely transformed my conversations.

Try This Yourself

We all try to act professionally: talk in a specific way, send templated emails, answer plainly without emotions…

But acting professionally and being a professional (and a human) are sometimes very different things.

It’s like being a real you while still trying to sound like a person people expect to hear
(definitely preaching not what you practice).

And the key word here is “kinda” because how can anyone expect something from you if they don’t know you? They may expect their version of you, which is (guess what?) totally not who you are.

I call this the Authenticity Principle 🤓

Friendworking isn't about becoming the person you think others expect. It's about becoming easier to recognize as your real self.

(Actually, this connects directly to the Mirror Principle: people can't build trust with the real you if all they ever meet is your polished version)

Some time ago, I created outreach messages that I thought people expected to hear, like this:

“Name, thank you so much for accepting my request! 🤩 tell me, is anyone from your team working on any role that’s taking longer than expected to fill? if yes, whom should I message to? asking because I might have the right candidates for them 🤓”

It’s actionable, straight to the point, and has emojis - what else do you need? 😅 And I was sure it was exactly what people would like to hear from me.

Well, they didn’t.

They accepted my requests and nothing else happened afterwards, like total zero, void, nada (I’m not talking about a few exceptions who liked emojis 😏)…

Like in Adam Lambert’s song “Now I know my inbox is a ghost town”

And after talking to dozens of people in real life at Freelance Unlocked, I re-read one of my messages, and was like: “No way it’s me! It’s some ChatGPTish version of me, I don’t even ask such questions when talking to people.”

That moment genuinely surprised me because I realized I wasn't writing like Yurii anymore.

I was writing like someone trying to sound "correct."

No wonder those conversations never became real conversations.

I needed to change it, so I imagined as if this person were in front of me, and I had to grab their attention: what would I say? What emotions would I feel? What energy I’d like them to feel from me?”

Do they want a ChatGPTish step-by-step human-pleasing message, or a real Yurii?

And I changed my message to: “Hey name, thank you for accepting my request 👋 I won't say I'm not here to sell you, but definitely not to sell you something you don't need!

look, I believe in growing the industry together instead of fighting for scarce resources,

so if you work or believe in working with independent talent, let's talk!

let's have a human coffee chat conversation and start a great connection that can lead us to amazing things in the future :)”

Of course, there is a caveat: not everyone might like the real me, but, well, the same is with “professional” me.

The main difference is that if they click with the real me, there is a much higher chance that the conversation will go in the right direction and we’ll achieve great results, or at least we’ll both have a good time talking.

It’s already gold because I got so many introductions, referrals, and clients exactly from people with whom we just had a good time talking.

And that's exactly the Alignment Principle: not everyone will like the real me, but the people who do are much more likely to become long-term friends, partners, clients, or collaborators.

And please don’t rely on AI 🙏 

This week, I had a conversation with someone who I thought was a person, but they were not.

We started with whether I do podcasts, and I said, "Sure, just see my last couple of posts, and you’ll know that.” But when they told me they can’t create a mutual chat on LinkedIn with a person they proposed I connect with, I finally understood something was wrong 😅

And I genuinely wanted to talk to that person even though they didn’t have a clue what I’m doing (okay, I get it, I myself don’t always fully explore each profile of people I connect with). But when I understood I just spent 15 minutes talking to a bot, there is no way I’ll connect with them again unless they pay my hourly rate.

So, yes: use AI to save time. Don't use AI to replace yourself 😉

tl;dr Relationships don't become stronger because you sound more professional. They become stronger because people finally get to meet the real you.

Expand Your Mindset

Whenever something comes to my mind: an idea to try, a text for a post, a person to ping, etc., I always act on it.

Usually, it’s not a 5-year-long business plan that requires 50 hours per week, but more of up-to-5-minute tasks.

I call it Serendipity Moments.

Looking back, I don't think they're random. They're tiny moments where curiosity becomes louder than overthinking.

And I've learned that acting on them is almost always worth it because some of the best things happened exactly because of executing on such moments.

Once, I waited for my wife somewhere and wrote a post about how I was downgraded on Duolingo, and got over 900 likes, dozens of comments, and a huge reach for this post.

Another example, after seeing an email from Scott Anthony in his Epic Disruptions book and a CTA to message him, I did it right away, and he even answered me back!

Also, I had a random thought of how it would be amazing to work with one of the great people I know, shot them an email, got a response the same day, boom, we executed an amazing project together (actually, there are many examples like this).

Serendipity Moments come without you thinking of them, maybe it’s some kind of a connection with the Universe or whatever you call it (yes-yes, I believe in a higher power), and it’s super important to execute immediately.

Don’t add to a calendar, make a note, set up a reminder - just act!

And you’ll be surprised by how many amazing things will happen because of that 😉

And actually, this perfectly connects back to today's principle.

When I act immediately, I don't have time to become the polished, "professional" version of myself. I simply become... me.

Maybe that's why so many of my best opportunities started with what looked like a tiny, random decision.

tl;dr Trust your instinct more often. The real you (and the small ideas that excite you) are usually much more powerful than the polished version you almost sent.

Now I'm curious 🤓

Have you ever caught yourself sounding like someone you thought people expected... instead of sounding like yourself?

Or maybe you've acted on one tiny random idea that unexpectedly changed your life?

Hit reply and tell me your story. I genuinely read every message, and many of your replies end up shaping future Friendworking principles 😉

💡 What influenced me this week 💡

Thoughts of the week:

• “Life did not intend to make us perfect. Whoever is perfect belongs in a museum.” - Erich Maria Remarque, The Economist’s daily quotes

• “My new goal isn't to find stress-free work. It's to work on things I find so meaningful that I'm happy to stress over them.” - Sahil Bloom’s newsletter

• “Slow down to see what matters. Then sprint to act on those things.” - Sahil Bloom’s newsletter

• “People engage with real humans, and they ignore faceless company pages.” - Indie Hackers newsletter

Song of the week:

Book and quotes of the week:

Influencer by Joseph Grenny

“Rewarding people for engaging in an activity that is already satisfying may work against you. Instead of increasing the frequency of the activity, once the reward is taken away, the subjects may do less of it.”

“They came up with an incentive that could be invoked on the spot, that was immediately motivating, and that was clearly tied to the desired behavior. This wasn’t just any old incentive but one that on its face sounded crazy. Here was the incentive. If a teenage resident attempted suicide, she would be denied TV privileges for the next week. Suicide attempts dropped to zero.”

“Reward small improvements in behavior along the way. Don’t wait until people achieve phenomenal results. Instead, reward small improvements in behavior.”

Tools that I use with referrals:

• Descript - for anything around podcasting and video editing

• Beehiiv - for a newsletter (that’s what you receive 😅)

• Text Blaze - to access message templates with shortcuts (like “/ty”)

• Exali - promo “FROMYURII” - indemnity insurance for independent experts in Europe

• Manus - for building complex systems and projects

Daily actions:

• tell 1 person what I’m thankful to them for

• read a self-development book/listen to a professional podcast for 15 minutes

• make a valuable post/comment on LinkedIn

• tag 10 people in my connections database

• connect with 30 interesting people on LinkedIn

Weekly actions:

• connect 2 people who I believe need to be connected

• invite 30 people to follow the Community ROI podcast.

If you have any thoughts, ideas, or questions, please 👇

And if you’d like to have more 👋 Friendworking in your life 👇

See you next week! 👋