Week 65 - 'What to do' instead of 'whom to blame' 💡

Author

Yurii Lazaruk
June 08, 2026

Hey my friend, have you ever spent more time figuring out whose fault something was than actually solving the problem? 😅

Today, let's talk about why searching for someone to blame rarely moves us forward, and why the people we trust the most are usually the ones who simply ask: "Okay... what do we do now?" 🤓

Try This Yourself

“You have a funny way of being angry :)”

That’s the message I’ve received from my teammate after reacting this way to the news that there are some last-minute changes and I have to tell 17 people they need to comply, even though just recently I told them the opposite:

“wow, great news! taking into account that like 10+ people told me they want to do it that way, and I told them "sure" 😀 but, whatever, will message them and see 🤷‍♂️”

And yes, I was kinda angry, but only because I needed to message the same people again, tell them about the changes, and ask them for some extra work even though it could be avoided.

And that's completely normal.

The interesting part wasn't that I got angry. It was where my anger went.

Did it go toward finding someone to blame? Or toward finding something to do?

Still, the main focus was on the action itself, not on the person who delivered this news to me, because it’s always a more important question to answer “what to do?” than “whom to blame?”

I call this the Action Principle 🤓

Friendworking is not about finding the guilty person. It's about finding the next useful action.

When you’re searching for whom to blame with questions like “why didn’t you tell me before?”, you spend your energy and time in the wrong direction.

First, you might "lose" because the other person gives you a perfectly logical explanation.

Second, they can simply ask: "Why didn't you ask?"

Now you're stuck in an endless tennis match of blame 🤷‍♂️

And even if you somehow "win," congratulations—you've won the argument but lost time, energy, and probably a little bit of trust.

On the other hand, if you take your emotions, say “okay, f**k it, what should I do now?”, and take action, you will get results much faster, or at least minimize the consequences.

And yes, you’ll also be known as a solution-maker, not a problem-maker, and trust me, people like solution-maker much more!

Remember: blame looks backward, and action looks forward 😉

It actually connects nicely with the Alignment Principle from last week.

Some people spend their energy trying to convince reality to be different.

Others accept reality and ask: "Okay... now what?"

Those are usually the ones people trust.

Tiny Friendworking experiment this week 🤓

  • The next time something goes wrong, catch yourself before asking: "Whose fault is this?"

  • Instead ask: "What is the next useful action?"

  • Notice how differently the conversation unfolds.

tl;dr Friendworking isn't about finding someone to blame. It's about becoming the person others trust to find the next step. Action beats blame. All the time!

Expand Your Mindset

However, when you search for solutions and try to help people (and yourself) to deal with extreme situations fast, you don’t need to sacrifice yourself.

In Adam Grant’s book “Give and Take,” he uses the term “otherish giver”. Those are individuals who balance a strong desire to help others with a healthy preservation of their own well-being and personal goals.

Interestingly, this doesn't mean saying "yes" to everything.

In fact, it connects directly to the Open Door Principle and the Alignment Principle.

Stay open to people. Help people. But don't abandon yourself.

Otherwise you're no longer helping—you're sacrificing. And sacrifice makes a terrible long-term strategy.

And as they say on airplanes: “In case of emergency, put your oxygen mask first”.

Which means that if you find yourself in a one-off extreme situation, yeah, it’s okay to strengthen your grip and get results.

If someone occasionally creates chaos, help them.

If someone systematically creates chaos and expects you to clean it up every single time, that's no longer kindness. That's a system. And systems deserve boundaries.

Speak to them, explain how you feel, and try to work out what to do to prevent such situations in the future. If the person won’t cooperate, well, you choose whether you need them or not, and based on the answer, decide what to do next.

tl;dr The best givers aren't martyrs. They help generously while protecting their own energy, goals, and boundaries. That's what allows them to keep giving for a long time.

Now, I’m curious 🤓

What's one situation where you stopped asking "whose fault is this?" and started asking "what should we do now?"

Did it change the outcome? Hit reply and tell me 😉

💡 What influenced me this week 💡

Thoughts of the week:

  • “We should do more and talk less.” - Mary Ann Shadd Cary, The Economist’s daily quotes

  • “Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside awakes.” - Carl Jung, The Economist’s daily quotes

Song of the week:

Book and quotes of the week:

“When you are deeply present with people, everyone involved—including YOU—may experience yourselves thinking, feeling, and saying things not said or thought before.”

“Don’t stop yourself from learning just because you don’t know something. There is no shame in not knowing.”

“Finding yourself in an unknowing space, without solutions, opens your mind and heart to what could show up, something which might not have shown up as long as you were holding onto guidance and solutions from the past.”

Tools that I use with referrals:

  • Descript - for anything around podcasting and video editing

  • Beehiiv - for a newsletter (that’s what you receive 😅)

  • Text Blaze - to access message templates with shortcuts (like “/ty”)

  • Exali - promo “FROMYURII” - indemnity insurance for independent experts in Europe

  • Manus - for building complex systems and projects

Daily actions:

  • tell 1 person what I’m thankful to them for

  • read a self-development book/listen to a professional podcast for 15 minutes

  • make a valuable post/comment on LinkedIn

  • tag 10 people in my connections database

  • connect with 30 interesting people on LinkedIn

Weekly actions:

If you have any thoughts, ideas, or questions, please 👇

And if you’d like to have more 👋 Friendworking in your life 👇

See you next week! 👋